Recipe for biltong:
1. Buy a gun
2. Stalk your animal - but don't turn your back on it.
3. Don't forget to hire a PH to back you up!
4. Shoot a Kudu, or whatever your favourite biltong animal is... and be sure to kill it or it may kill you?
5. Hang it up by it's back legs, gut it and then remove the head. Remember to take your airline sick-bag with you.
6. Hang the carcass in a cold room for at least 2 weeks, preferably 4, to 'mature' - aka until it stinks!
7. Employ someone else to butcher the meat, saving the rest for biltong - a horrid job! Sell the most tender parts to the local Spar butcher!
8. Persuade the 'someone else' to spend hours cutting the least tender meat into small strips for your biltong
9. Now we get to the most imortant part......
10. Take the strips of meat and place them in a large basin, layered with spices of your choice, herbs and peppercorns, vinegar and salt. Put back in the cold room to marinate. Your hands will be sore and raw at the end of this proccess but don't give up - I am sure that your biltong will taste great even if you suffer from e-coli as a result!
11. Over the next 2 - 3 days stir the blooming cold mixture (by hand) to ensure that the spices etc infuse into the meat and to ensure that you have worked hard enough that you will eat the darned Biltong even if you hate the bloody taste of it by the end of the proccess!
12. Take the strips of meat and hang them on hooks (you can buy the hooks in your local DIY but be careful not to hook your fingers) in a warm, dry place - you may wish to smoke them or dry them by artificial means if you do not live in Africa - until they are dried out to your own satisfaction - or they are so covered in flies that you are afraid that you will end up eating maggots!
Unlucky 13. Enjoy your home-made biltong or, in the case of your maggot-ridden biltong, send it as Christmas presents to those 'freinds' who you don't really like but cannot avoid and hope that they get 'biltong-tummy'!
From one who knows about these things......