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Unread postPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:15 am 
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Legendary Virtual Ranger
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Yeah, it's still funny. Everytime my uncle and dad visits me, my dad tells everyone present the story. Those two brothers... best okes on earth.

I will move this now to funny experiences with other people. But lemme tell it first. On the same trip my uncle and I met up with two heavy weights... busy handing it to each other. These two ele's were moving our way on the road towards Kanniedood dam. We were trapped and I tried reversing whilst video taping them. My uncle navigates me. But he was terrified. W@H saw the video.

He tells me to shoot thru here... where "here" was the veld. He then tells me that the ele's was going to make "k@k" cause crap in other words. To which I think bymyself "Ya think?!?!"

Then I stoll the car... he then orders me to "f" forget the video camera as he does not want people to read in the news paper "old oom dies @ feet of elephant bull, whilst nephew records whole incident".

This incident is my dad's favourite of all time.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 8:50 pm 
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Location: Ballito, KZN North Coast, South Africa
This reminds me of a story that goes back many years ago when we first started going to Kruger, and were towing a borrowed caravan behind our Ford Granada station wagon down a fairly narrow sand road en route to our next camping site. No chance of turning around or reversing.
Half way down this road we met this huge Bull Ellie marching down the centre of the road, well, we stop and wait, he carries on relentlessly and then at the critial point my SO turns to me and says in very serious voice, "start the video camera rolling, at least we can get a good picture of who did it for the insurance company"
Well, needlessly to say, he turned off just before us, intent on visiting his favourite watering hole but to this day, it is a family joke that is most likely going to carry on through the generations.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:02 pm 
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it's funny Elsa, my parents also had a Ford Granada, not a station wagon though, and we also drove on a narrow sand road, but uphill, only to come nose to nose with a big ellie. My dad reversed at a mean speed with the big dude flapping his ears and moving us along Did yours also have electric windows, which you learnt the hard way not to switch off the car when watching monkeys


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Unread postPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:08 pm 
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Last week when we had "Brekkies" at Mholondozi, one of the Scots ladies ambled off to watch some bird on the ground next to our car, when another lady, also from England started a conversation with her. After a while our "Scot" lady (fag lady) came back to our table smiling. She told us that the lady from England asked her how long they are here for and wanted to know where they stay in Scotland. "Scot" lady proceeded to tell her where she was born and how come she lives in Scotland now. "Fag" lady told her she was born in Rhodesia (now Zim) and their mother got very ill and their father decided to send them to Scotland to his mother so she could look after them while their mother was in hospital. Their mother died a few months after they arrived in Scotland, so granny raised them, while their dad stayed behind in Zim.
The lady from England was quiet for a long time, looked at the Scot's lady and said:" You have lost your colour, because you lived in Scotland for such a long time, you are white now"

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Unread postPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:13 am 
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Just one of our many confrontations with a bull ele happened near Letaba in 2003. As the bull was coming down the hill on a gravel road I asked WTV to keep video taping it as it came down quite impressively and was a huge tusker too.

I started reversing the car to get out of the bull with the suspicious intentions in his myoptic eyes and behind me was an oke oblivious to the action unfolding in his near vicinity. So as I reversed right past him and the bull stormed of into the thick stuff taking a young tree with him I looked @ WTV and asked her how impressive video maetiral that was? Meanwhile the oke now infront of me was just popping his head back up from under the dashboard.

That night when I wanted to look @ the action which I had missed due to having my neck turned around like a pearl-spotted owlet's in my emergency reverse mode, I got a glimpse of dejavu. WTV decided stuff the bull and rather video tape to where I was reversing to. Oulik nê? Geez, women? Can't live with them, can't live without them. No women, no cry.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:38 pm 
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Location: New Zealand
I've never had the opp to try this, but as anyone knows if you come across an interesting sighting it's only a matter of time before numerous other cars arrive and park up to look as well.
An experienced guide told me the way to combat this is to stick your head out of the car window holding a bird book in one hand and looking through binoculars held in the other. The average tourist will assume you are a birder and carry one. Birders will soon relaise you aren't looking at birds and will also cary on, leaving you alone with the sighting.

The same guide also told me an ideal (but impractical) question to ask on a game drive was who amongst the tourists was a entomologist, a botanist or an ornithologist. Then you kick those people off the truck and head off to look for animals without having to worry about bugs, plants or birds.


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Unread postPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 8:00 am 
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When my daughter was 8 months old we spent a week in the park. We stayed at Pretoriuskop in a rondawel. A little boy of about 2 just wandered into our rondawel and proceeded to grab my little girl's toe and bite it really hard. (Probably rabies.)
My husband very nochalantly grabbed his hand and bit his finger. He left the rondawel screaming. When his mother rushed to pick him up she just gave us a dirty look and walked off. No time for explanations. Strangely, in all this, very few words were spoken. Only screaming kids could be heard. I was too shocked to do a thing, firstly about what the little boy did out of the blue and secondly that my husband could almost bite a child's finger off! Whenever I remember this it is so vivid in my mind that I break up laughing all over again.


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Unread postPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:43 pm 
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Location: New Zealand
On my first trip to Kruger several of us were driving around in one of those VW combi vans, a great vehicle for touring. We were bing followed down the road by two bull elephants who were just plodding along behind us, so I'd paused to let the others get some photos. Two of the girls in the back started to get a bit anxious about the closeness of the elphants, and started urging me to move on, but I was watching them carefully in the outside mirror and was keeping my distance. The nearest elephant went out of my view in the mirror, so I turned to look out of the rear window and was shocked to see him looming enormously close behind us.
The mirror was one of those that carries the warning that objects seen in the mirror are closer than what they appear. Certainly was the case in this instance.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 9:57 am 
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Since Elsa is telling you guys all our family "funnies" I will include this one which did not happen in Kruger but had us all laughing for years.

My mother has a theory, if there are three rhinos, then they are looking for trouble. I have to admit, and don't let her hear me say this, but she does have some pretty strong evidence to back up her theory. Anyways, we were travelling along in a large game park when we came across three white rhino standing on the side of the road. Well, we stopped and watched them for a while and all looked peaceful. My mother was getting twitchy as she knew we had to go passed them to get home in time. I had the video rolling and as mentioned by Elsa, I was getting evidence for the insurance company. Klystron was very confident the rhino were at peace with the world and would not harm us so he started driving slowly forward staying as far from them as the road would allow. The whole time we are moving forward Elsa is protesting, and Klystron is still confident the rhino were relaxed. As we got along side them, the one spun around and charged. I still had the camera rolling so when we watched the tape, we were very amused by the comments and shreks that came from the car. Needless to say, I did not stay focuses on the rhino so the insurance company would have had a good case against us if we needed to claim.

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 Post subject: Funny Experiences/Situations with other people
Unread postPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:00 pm 
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I once managed to convince my SO that we should rough it a bit and stay in a tent. I must say that she agreed very reluctantly being petrified of snakes. We booked a tent in Letaba and on arrival the tent had a massive hole in the one corner for the electric cable. I kept quiet and we went to bed that nite. We were later awoken by a mouse in our rusk box and it fled when I switched on the torch. For SO that was it! and we shared a single bed for the rest of the night after closing the hole with a 2 L Coke bottle. The next evening it came back and we lay laughing as it ran around the tent, scratching the canvas trying to get in.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 8:58 pm 
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There have been quite a few of these...especially since I tend to see the funny side of things quite often..people are generally quite funny.

One story that comes to mind is of a night drive from Olifants a number of years ago. We had taken our seats on the vehicle and were waiting for two more passengers to arrive.

One family was already on board with us...I noticed that the husband seemed a little affraid of his wife, he was meek and mild, she was quite the opposite. We were just about to leave when two young ladies came running from reception to get onto the drive, they were young American tourists who were visiting for the first time and because of inexperience did not realise how long it would take to reach the camp..(there was no forum then) They turned out to be very nice people.

As they came running, the thin lady, with very short hair and big glasses shuffled her large husband away from her, filled the space with blankets and said "Theres no more space." She clearly wanted the two to be turned away though they had booked their places. I was now very aware of the feisty personality on the seat behind me and was looking forward to some laughs. As we stopped to look at a Steenbok, the lady began to focus her camera, she did so for quite some time and then as the vehicle slowly began to pull away I heard a muffled, angry outburst from behind. The same thing happened at the next Steenbok sighting, this time she took a picture, then refocused and as she took the next one, the driver began to pull off again (he had given her ample time)! This time she clenched her fists and tried to conceal her silent tantrum...Her husband tried to reassure her and he got shoved away and became very nervous.

I began to imagine that the lady had an anger problem, because she kept having little fits of rage, shaking the blankets, slamming her fists into her lap and attacking her husband, all of this was done in a "quiet" way but everyone knew it was happening. The laughter was building up inside me like bubbles in a bottle of Champaigne. Everyone was pretending not to notice, and the pressurised situation made me want to laugh even more. Then, it happened again, just as she took a photo the vehicle jerked slightly.....All I heard was a suppressed mini tantrum going on behind me "ooohh that damn #&*^% f*&#!sht" coupled with clenched fists in front of her, kicking the floor and a now terrified husband!

That was it for me, as everyone pretended not to notice my whole body began shake with silent laughter, I was laughing hysterically but keeping silent which makes it so much harder to stop..and I was trying to hide it..to no avail. I actually dont think that these words do justice to the situation, you had to have been there to see and hear the outbursts, the muffled swearing...I got the impression that she was trying to take up photography as a form of relaxation, to calm herself down, well it was'nt working.

That night, after the drive, we saw that the two Americans were staying next door to us. They asked us for fire lighters to help strt their fire. It was our last night and gave them the rest of ours. Had we known that they had absolutely no idea of how to make a braai we would have done it for them. We went inside to start packing and when we came out we found them trying to braai their food in HUGE bonfire!! They used only wood and ALL the firelighters..the food was in the middle of the flames.... :We had to giggle but felt very sorry for them, they just needed some help.

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Unread postPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:26 pm 
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Location: Centurion
When you camp there is almost always something or someone to laugh about! But by far the funniest incident experienced in Kruger was about three years ago while camping in Berg en Dal.
We had a lovely spot next to the fence. When our neighbours arrived - two families in two caravans - we knew that it was not going to be a quiet weekend!
One night, after an especially noisy braai, only the two men were left sitting outside. The one was telling the other about the hayenas patrolling the fence. Every now and then they walked to the fence and shined their torch - if you could call it that- into the veld.
A wooden bench stood next to the fence and before long the guy with the torch got onto this bench trying to shine his little light over the top of the fence.
Obviously his balance was not too good - he was swaying back and forth trying to keep it. On one of his forward "sways" he thouched the fence. Ever wondered if the electric fences in Kruger work? It does - this guy experienced it first-hand! The one moment he was standing on the bench and the next he was lying in the dust! When he eventually got to his senses again, the only thing that he could say was: "@#%$, that thing shocked me!!!!"
Needless to say we nearly fell off our chairs laughing.


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 Post subject: Me and the Balule electric fence
Unread postPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 3:31 am 
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Location: 13 156 km away from Kruger
First the background. Drove all day from Shingwedzi to Balule. Hot. Arrived at Balule late in day and booked into one of the huts for few nights. Upon arrival, my neighbours were already having sundowners in the shade. Recognising my dirty and tired look, I was immediately invited for a cold one. This welcoming party ended 22:00 with nothing unpacked from the car. I quickly grabbed only the bare necessities from the car, had a nice shower and aimed for bed. By this time the entire camp was in Lalla land. Unfortunately the law of “liquids in, liquids out” demanded a last trip to the ablutions. Armed with my trusty mini Maglite torch I obliged. Balule is very dark at night. Now the story gets a bit more graphic.

En route to ablutions, I could clearly here a disturbing noise. Is it inside or outside the fence? Just had to investigate. I slowly worked my way to the fence and discovered 4 hyenas about 10 metres on the outside. They were very “playful” and I suspected a spectacular sighting. All alone, I decided to stay for the show. At this point I just have to quickly explain the construction of the Balule perimeter fence. It is low with 3 simple electrified wires running on top. These are about head height if memory serves me correct. Completely absorbed in the show, I eventually pointed my Maglite between these electrified wires (or so I assume). Did you know that a Maglite has a metal casing? And that it is a perfect conductor of electricity? Did you know that the electrified fence is operational at night? Yip, the inevitable happened. My next awareness was my personal location which was about 3 metres from the fence (fortunately still on the inside). How the heck did I get there? Then a loud bang as if something had touch the live wires (anyway, that’s the sequence I remember). The next thing any reasonable person would do is to have a look around – who saw me? What a relieve I am still alone. That sorted out, I noticed a strange phenomenon. Dancing light in the trees? Huh? I eventually made the connection between the dancing light, the Maglite and the torch operator (read my right hand). It was shaking uncontrollably, fuelled by sensations such as needles and pins and numbness. Utterly disgusted at my ignorance, I went straight to bed. Until today I cannot offer any scientific explanation for what happened to the liquids. It disappeared in a mystery.

The liquids were back very early next morning. The moment before action I realised that my right hand was still shaking. What if it actually got electrified during last night’s ordeal? No way I am taking the chance (note to men – I know what you are thinking. Don’t even think about going there). It became my first of many left handed tasks for the day. Never knew my left hand was so poorly trained. Glad to say the right hand recovered fully with no lasting damage. And more importantly the Maglite is still working.

All visitors to KNP must please note that these fences work and they bite. Try it yourself if you do not believe me. Should any resident KNP baboon or monkey read this post (since the Park now has internet access), please advise your colleagues not to jump the fence. It is not worth it. Rather stay on the outside where stupid people will feed you from the inside anyway. Shocking, isn’t it?

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Unread postPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:06 pm 
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Location: Sunshine Coast
Many years ago we were camping at Shingwedzi and a lion passed close by so I raced to the caravan and put my long 600 f5.6 on the F3 and went back to the fence to try and get a pic or two. In those days there was no VR or image stabalisation so you needed a beanbag or a tripod. i didnt have either so I put the lens on the fence for stability and it was the last thing I remembered for a couple of minutes. The electrics in the camera were fine.

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Unread postPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:15 am 
VERY funny story Nikon12!

A few years back my SO also had a run-in with an electrical fence at Olifants. He was woken in the middle of the night with the most vicious sounds coming from the river….Arks, I believe you will know what sounds I’m talking about ….we later found out it was hippos fighting.

He went out with the spotlight to investigate. We were staying in one of the river view bungalows, nr. 9. In front of the unit there is sort of terrace, with a wall and a drop of about 1m to the next level.
My SO walked on the wall to the fence…at this position he was higher than the fence…about half his body was above the fence.
Right at the fence he stepped into a hole in the wall and fell forward, landing with both his arms onto of the electrical fence. The shock of the fence tossed him backwards; made him loose his balance, and he fell the 1 m from the wall. Luckily, during his fall he turned around and seeing that he has a bit of built-inn “airbag” the landing was not as bad as it could have been. During this whole thing he managed to keep the spotlight safely in his hands.
Ok, so I come out and see the SO lying flat on his stomach with the spotlight in his hand, and ask, “What are you looking at?”
Poor thing, he had burns on both arms from the electrical wires and some bad scratches from the fall.


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