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As a newbie not sure if I can do this. Also not sure how many other dedicated jeep jockys like me there are out there but we do have some humdigers to tell about the things guests do. Anybody interested in a few of those. They can be quite intertaining

PLease tell.

hi Timbo

Been sneeking around here for a good few months but was hesitant to join because I live and work out of the Sanparks area (Used to work for them for a while as a student though). I therefore feel I know a lot of you.

Here are a few to start of with. Every year I issue an award to my most idiotic incedent of the year award. Here are a few questions I have been asked:

"Do giraffes hunt in packs"
"How many Impalas does a rhino have to eat every day" (this whilst the rhino was grazing within touching distance of my vehicle)
"Why don't you keep the grass short here like they do in they Masi-Mara" ( I have visions of a thousand Masi mowing the lawn)

Must go now guests are calling but I will post some more tommorrow

I call it ignorance. There are many books out there on wildlife in our game reserves - tell them to go buy one.

Not sure that that is such a good idea this is an example of a regular discussion with the guest at the back with the book

guest "how long is a lion pregnant"
me "about 105 days"
guest "but the book says 3 1/2 months"
me muttering under my breath " do the math"

Yes, but unlike their desert cousins, the camels, they only hunt at night.



They catch about 5 a day, but they only eat 2. The others are released.



We do, but our workers only mow on saturday mornings.



Ag, not too long. Maybe just over a meter or so.

FOMCROTFLMAO!

Thanks Jeanus .. And WTM .. that was now hillariously funny .. please .. may I have some more sir?

And let's not forget WTM .. Camelhorses might hunt at night .. but it's their ability to put their prey (leopard) into trees that make them so effective hunters

I was feeling quite sarcastic on the day of the girraff question (long busy season) and my answer was somthing about using their necks to form a cadge around trees to trap birds which are(especialy quelias) are their favorite snack.

If you are out there for the job you burn out quickly. I do game drives for myself and the guests get to go along with me (Been guiding for about 17 years now abd still loving it). If they don't have a good time tough. I get very few complaints tho but over the years I have gone to some trouble to be able to at least comunicate some facts in various languages that does help.

However incedents such as the following can get to you after a while:

Late last year in the middle of November on a day that was as hot as hell I had the misfortune to be one of a large group drive (180 guests = 18 vehicles) starting at 10am and driving till 16h00 (not the most optimum for a drive in summer).

Anyway I was not 2km into the park on the busy main road when I see a leopard in a tree (LIT?) it was about 150m off and behind some leaves but with binos a good sighting. All the guests were exited except one and my conversation with her went as follows:

Me " If you look at that tree"
her "It is not a leopard"
me "but maam"
her it is not a leopard"
me "you can use my binoculars"
her "it is NOT a leopard I have been told of your tricks."

so 9 people saw a lepopard and 1 sat with her arms across her chest refusing to look.

Hi Jeanus

Great thread Keep it coming, ... do you keep a straight face when answering all these intelligent questions?

Well, I wonder if that defiant lady would have been willing to go and see for herself if it was indeed a LIT. I don't think so!
(know it's not permitted to get out of vehicle, but just thinking...)
_____________________

Jeanus wrote :


One wonders why people like that bother to go on drives. Is it because the rest of the group insist, it's been paid for, or they enjoy making others miserable ?
We have seen numerous drive vehicles in the park and most of the guests seem happy, excited & keen. Some (very few) do seem really bored or tired or just plain miserable & we always wonder why they didn't just stay in camp, at the hotel or whatever !

The friends I have will tell you that I am capable of taking the micky out of anyone with a straight face.

Come on there must be other jeep jockeys out there and believe me they must have stories to share. Maybe I should have been pc and called this topic for field guides or rangers but I happen to be very proud of what I do. I have to be after choosing to do it for about 17 years. Come on don't be shy share some - life is too boring with nothing to laugh about.

Here is one going waaaay back. This one I am ashamed to say involved a south african guest. By the way I belong to the angel section of this forum before anybody starts speculating and hate it when someone lets the side down.

Anyway I was on a drive and had found a spectacular pride one beautiful big male, 2 females and assorted cubs. I had finished admiring the male and we had turned our attention to the females and cubs on the other side of the vehicle. I luckily saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and caught a woman leaving the vehicle. I lost what cool I had and asked her (don't think the language was too good) what she thought she was doing. The reply was astounding "I can see you comb it's mane every day so I was going to pat it". I nearly let her except I tend to consider it murder when an animal has to be destroyed because of human stupidity.

We tend to forget that visitors from other countries are not familliar with our animals and often are so overwhelmed with the sight our our delights that their behavour borders on suicide.

Would I try to shake hands with a kangaroo?

So what is the local excuse - I guess if you can survive our crime rate- why not pat a lion?

Seriously I never understand how these things happen but I do know it causes a lot of relieved laughs.

Thanks for sharing - please keep it coming

/note to self:

Remember to bring the hairdryer, the lions can be groomed before taking photos.

This is a story of language and how we all learn to laugh at how we differ. On a night drive, with ten overseas guests (from Palma, thus mostly Spanish) our guide explained in his African tongue that the spotted hyenas are sca-vengas (scavengers). The guide explained to the rest in Spanish but the word sca-venga was quite discernible. Needless to say, that we have kept this gem and always refer to hyenas as sca-vengas.