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| Distinguished Virtual Ranger |
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Award: Musketeer of the Year, Quiz Whiz of the Year (2011)
Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:22 am
Posts: 19081
Location: Midway between the infinite and the infinitesimal! Award: Musketeer of the Year, Quiz Whiz of the Year (2012) |
My 10000th post.
Herewith, as promised a while ago, the continuation of my trip report with the "Bee Saga" episode:
Let me insert myself for a short sojourn into this story, to bee-f it up and, well, bring a bee-fitting perspective on things: I am Beatifus, the bee-yoo-tiful bee, all striped with yellow and black – like a Moscow clown's pajamas - and lethally endowed with a sinkshaft-type sting. If you're wondering how I come to speak fluent English, know that I learnt my A-Bee-C's as a larval wonder in the hive, before being commissioned to seek out the sweetest nectar in the neighborhood and return a globule of this to the honeycomb, where some of my co-workers transform it into honey by a secretive production process known only to a select few. Though I am innocent, as my species dictates, I can be a pain in the body to anyone messing with my routine.
On this lovely Kruger day – of which I have had the pleasure of experiencing but another 21 so far - I drift nonchalantly through the window of another tourist's vehicle. Some of these fuming monstrosities are endowed with impenetrable plastics and leather, so I love to examine the varying skin types and textures of the homo sapiens that are found there. This day, a wonderful, but mysterious, perfume wafts into my olfactory centre, and my nectar-homing organs are sent into a spiralling dive. How lovely this young lady and medium-aged man smell! I cannot resist their dermal covering, so I buzz over to the monsieur first and settle on his right forearm. He seems none too pleased and tells me to “buzz off”. I grip a little firmer and feel the edge of my sting begin to pierce the first cells of his epidermis. His nervousness radiates forth in distinct waves of sixth-sense signals that he has no idea he is transmitting, and I sense I am in control.
I look over at Aimee and see the restlessness infuse her body, sweep over her face. She glares sideways at the offending bee resting on my forearm: "Make it go out, Dada; I don't want it in here!" I tell her I'm not afraid of this little bee - even though I can feel an uncomfortable sharpness threatening my outer skin layer. Strangely, this is true - I suppose because I have never been stung by a bee, I believe that I never will be! Nonchalantly - a self-preservation device, as well as seeking to keep Aimee as calm as possible - I gently, slow-motion style, move my arm over to the open window and, holding it out in the breeze, I accelerate the car engine. As the outside wind resistance increases, I notice how the bees wings and feelers begin to ripple and flutter. I am distantly aware that I may be initiated for the first time in my life by a sting piercing my protective skin layer, but I am intent in eliminating this bee from the car interior, mainly to appease my daughter. Most of the time, if I have bees flying around me, or sipping on some sweet drink I am guzzling, I take no notice of them, and they reciprocate superbly. Maybe not a wise stance on my part, but one that has worked for me through the ages. Suddenly, our apian invader shoots backwards as the wind force outmatches his leg-gripping ability. The bee is gone. Aimee gives a nervous smile and thanks me for my prompt actions.
I relax and, pressing my back firmly against my seat, we slow down to 20 km/h and begin to focus our eyes to middle distance, seeking the next special sighting. As the vegetation slips past, I reminisce on how honey bees are becoming scarcer in recent years, and know that everything, both large and small, must be appreciated to the full when seen - for who knows when we may never see it again.
Stuff and beeswax! What happened there? This bunch of homo saps is a little more resilient than most: usually they lose their marbles; scream; vibrate and twist their bodies and heads in impossible contortions; and do everything but have an official epileptic fit - all this for a midget a thousand times smaller than them! This pair are much calmer. Suddenly, a high gale arises and I am, much to my chagrin, whisked off into the natural yonder. No way I get dislodged so easily; I'm going to stir them up some more. See, there's the fuming monstrosity again - guess they must have slowed down, lured into a state of complacency. Great! My wing beats are increasing, I'm whirring along; the window, which is still open, is drawing near. Here it is ... ahhh, I see the nice-smelling male. But, but ... what is that I now am enshrouded in? Ohhh, soooo heavenly: it's emanating from that female over there ... a nectarean fragrance par excellence! Oops, the male has seen me - he's none too happy, for the second time. Let me shoot over there to the goddess of nectar. No, little girl, don't be afraid - I ain't gonna hurt you ... I just want some of that future honey, honey. Let's see now, where can I land? Oh, here's a lovely, soft spot. A bit unstable, but soooo soft, like vanilla marshmallows.
Lost in my thoughts for a few moments, I am startled as a bee flies through my window again and suddenly lands on Aimee's upper cheek. Colouring-wise, it looks exactly like the bee I have just gotten rid of. Before I can do anything, it suddenly lurches up and onto her eyelid! "Sit VERY still," I caution her; don't move at all - not a muscle!" Aimee is terrified. For all my bravado a minute earlier, I am taken aback and, for a few moments, am unable to think of what the best course of action should be. My thoughts are more a hindrance at the moment than a help, especially worrying about what might happen if she was stung in the eye! I've never heard of that happening and, besides rushing through to the nearest hospital (which could take an hour), I wouldn't know how else to effectively help her. I stop the car and assess the situation. The bee is crawling around animatedly, first over her top eyelid, then around the arc of the bottom eyelid, then across the bridge of the nose and onto the other eye. Aimee is oscillating her stiff palms in front of her, making fearful noises, and begging me to do something. As a young child, I suspect that she was stung once, and that has primed her to the point of apiphobia.
I am willing to knock the bee off her face at the first opportunity, but, at the moment, it is too close to her eye, and it could be disastrous if I don't swipe it cleanly the first time. I put my arm around my daughter's shoulders and, with a soothing, calm voice, try to ameliorate the situation. She is keeping control - just barely - and I know I must act swiftly. Suddenly, I have an idea: "Aimee," I tell her softly, "move very slowly and evenly towards your open window." But, she is too petrified to understand clearly what I am saying. I repeat the instruction, urging her to take action. "No, Dada; what if it stings me! I can't move!" Her breathing is short and sharp. "Aimee," I persist, "you know I love you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Please listen to me: the bee doesn't look too happy and, being in the sun, it seems quite agitated. I want to make sure we get it off you. Move slowly towards the window." Aimee has always been a courageous young lady and, somehow, she now collects her thoughts enough to take some action. She, ever so slowly, begins to raise her body upwards and, tucking her right leg gently under her, she gets sufficient leverage to move her head gradually towards the open window.
Mmmm, such deliciously soft flesh! But, where is the nectar? Must be here somewhere. Uh-huh; okay, let me see what else is around here. Okay, going down, and along this soft track. Wonder what is ... WAIT! A lovely, cool hole. Maybe there's something delicious in there? Let's see ... maybe I can squeeze this thorax inside. Uhhhh, this is harder than I thought - what a SMALL hole. Not gonna give up .. push harder, Beatifus!
This bee is ever so persistent, and is still attracted (for whatever reason) to Aimee's eyes. As she nears the open window, though, it suddenly runs downwards and inserts itself into the entrance of one of her nostrils. Aimee is still making muted, fearful noises, but, just as she is about to stick her head out, I tell her: "Hold on, Aimee! Not yet. Keep your head inside; I'll tell you when." I can see a few hundred metres along the S25, and it is clear. I accelerate the car along the dusty road, glad that there are no other cars to be seen. As the Merc reaches 30 km/h, I notice that the bee has made itself back along the bridge of her nose, and above her one eye. A little higher, I pray. Suddenly, the black-and-yellow insect clambers up onto her forehead. I push the accelerator down hard and the car reaches 40. "NOW!" I yell at Aimee, above the noise of the rushing air and churning engine. "Now; put your head out the window - QUICKLY!" Aimee obliges and, in a flash, the bee is blown off. I heave a sigh of relief, as does my daughter, and, not to make the same mistake twice, I quickly put both windows up and turn on the air-conditioning. I slow the car to 20 again and, after a few moments, I smile at Aimee and tell her what a courageous girl she was. "Yes, but what if ..." she starts to say, but I interrupt her: "Nothing happened and we must be thankful to GOD that He protected us!" "Now, let's see what we can see - that bee is not coming back here again."
Can't believe I was out-thought! By a couple of homo saps, to boot! Oh well, that's how it goes in the wild. Now I don't even know where I am; maybe I can find a queen who is willing to let me serve her? Let me go find some non-human-infested nectar!
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EVERYBODY'S TR!TR: A NEW DAY IS S-OWNTR: NECTAREAN NICETIES OF THE NORTHTR: PRIMEVAL PLEASURE"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." (Groucho Marx)
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